


If You Love Something, Let It Go

by kyanitedragon



Series: Hidekane Oneshots [2]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-08-22 11:20:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16596902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyanitedragon/pseuds/kyanitedragon
Summary: Hide comes back from work at the CCG to the surprise of a wounded Kaneki in his apartment.





	If You Love Something, Let It Go

**Author's Note:**

> If you love something, let it go.

Another day passed, another day unsuccessful at finding Kaneki's location. It had been 6 months and 2 weeks now, but who was counting? Hide hadn't lost hope of finding his best friend, but his depression was getting worse and worse with each passing day. 

Hide took off his shoes and tossed his house keys on the countertop. He rubbed his eyes, trying to decide if he should bother to even turn on his apartment lights or just have a quick snack in the dark and then go to bed. Probably the latter. Hopefully he wouldn't fall asleep in his bowl of cereal.

He trudged over to his kitchen, but stopped when he noticed something unusual. There were dark drops splattered against the floor. His first thought was that they were too dark to be water; they had to be blood. But why would there be drops of blood in his apartment? He was just being paranoid. He was just worried about Kaneki. Hide still got a bad feeling, regardless of whatever the droplets ended up being, and he flicked on the lights. He quickly glanced around his apartment for anything out of order or unusual, and gasped when he saw a form on his couch.

He grabbed the switchblade attached to his keys — the only weapon he owned; maybe he should change that — and slowly and silently walked closer to the person. Hide leaned over to look at them, to get a good idea of who it was.

The first thing he noticed was that this person was wearing a mask. They were obviously a ghoul. 

The second thing he noticed was this person's bright white hair.

He might not have any pictures on his file, and his hair wasn't white last time he saw him, but Hide knew it was him. 

Centipede. Eyepatch. Kaneki Ken.

Hide held in a forced laugh.  _It's him. I know it is. He's back!_

It was strange how even with white hair, eyes closed, and 3/4 of his face covered, that Hide could still recognize him.

Hide's eyes trailed down, an eyebrow quirking at Kaneki's skin-tight black suit.  _Why are you wearing that? Doesn't seem like your style at all._

Hide then noticed that Kaneki's hand was clutching his stomach, and despite it facing down, he could see Kaneki's palm was covered in blood.

_He's bleeding! He's hurt! Is he okay?!_

So much happened in a matter of only seconds.

Hide had gone to remove Kaneki's hand and examine the wound but as soon as he touched him, Kaneki's eye flew open. A red iris surrounded by black sclera stared back at him. Before Hide knew what was happening, suddenly Kaneki was jumping upwards from where he was lying and Hide was falling backwards. Hide had pointed his switchblade at him out of reflex when Kaneki pounced, but Hide didn't even get the chance to worry about Kaneki's safety. The blade had made contact with Kaneki and immediately flew out of Hide's hand. Hide's side painfully hit the coffee table before his body fell onto the floor. Kaneki's weight followed him and Kaneki landed on him. 

Kaneki was straddling Hide now, pinning him down, leaning over him just inches away. Kaneki was glaring at him and breathing heavily, a bit muffled by his mask. Two kagune were pointed at Hide's head, and two more at his chest. Hide tried to suck in a breath and say something to calm him down, but Kaneki's hand was squeezing around his throat. He couldn't talk. Couldn't  _breathe_! Hide could feel the wet, sticky, and still warm blood from Kaneki's palm smear against his neck as Kaneki strangled him. 

_Kaneki...!_

Hide stared desperately into Kaneki's angry black and red eye, looking and begging for recognition. 

_Kaneki, it's me! I know you won't hurt me! You just need to realize its me! Calm down!_

With a gasp, Kaneki's eye suddenly widened, the black sclera washing away into white. The hand around Hide's neck pulled away, and the kagune retreated and retracted into Kaneki's back. 

Hide coughed and sucked in breaths, rubbing at his neck to get that awful feeling of the ghost of Kaneki's hand to go away. He tried to scramble away from Kaneki to get some distance between them, but Kaneki was still straddling him and holding him down.

"Hide...!" Kaneki gasped, quickly pulling his body back into a sitting position. He hissed in pain and doubled over, thrown into a coughing and hacking fit. Hide could see blood leaking out from between the set of fake teeth that served as his mask's design. Kaneki clawed and fumbled at his mask desperately, eventually succeeding the third time in dragging it down and off his face. Blood poured out from inside his mask and splattered onto Hide's shirt. Hide grimaced in disgust, but he was much more concerned about Kaneki's injuries than his own comfort or whether his shirt would be stained.

"Kaneki, are you okay?!" Hide asked, pushing himself up with one hand and reaching out towards Kaneki with the other.

_He can't be dying! Right? How can I help him? What do I do?!_

Kaneki held out his non-bloodied palm to keep Hide away from him, and then finally got off him. Kaneki stood, slouching on shaky legs. He wiped the blood from his mouth and chin and took deep, heaving breaths. Hide repositioned himself and sat so that he was on his knees. He grimaced in disgust as he felt the wet bloodstain on his shirt touch his skin as he shifted.

As Kaneki caught his breath back, Hide could see there was blood stuck on and between his teeth. It was a little unnerving to see, especially since Kaneki being here was unexpected and this was the first time seeing his ghoul side, but Hide pushed any dark thoughts away. He wasn't sure if the fact that the blood was Kaneki's own made it better or worse.

"How do you—?" Kaneki asked, voice sounding forced out and raspy from pain. "Why are you—?" He looked down at his bloody hand, and his eyes widened again. "I'm—!" Before Kaneki could freak out, he winced and held his abdomen in pain.

"Calm down! Sit!" Hide jumped to his feet and forced Kaneki to sit on the couch. He just now noticed that there had been a bloodstained blanket laid down over it. Had Kaneki put it there when he arrived to keep the blood off his couch? Hide refocused his attention on Kaneki. He could ask those questions later.

"Why am I—?" Kaneki tried asking, but he was interrupted.

"Shush! My questions first, cuz I'm pretty sure they're more important!" Hide berated. He knelt on the floor to get a better look at the wound in Kaneki's side. "How bad is that? I know ghouls have regeneration, but it looks pretty bad."

Kaneki took a breath and looked at his wound as well. "Looks better than it was earlier."

Hide grimaced. It looked bad  _now_. "Ow..."

"It's healing, but slowly. I'll be fine." 

The calm and indifferent look on Kaneki's face had Hide worried and feeling uncomfortable, as well as out of the loop. Just what has his best friend been through to be so used to this? 

Hide looked at the wound again, and he noticed red clusters of cells slowly patching it up. Were those RC cells?

"Whoa..." Hide whispered. He'd never seen anything like it before. The skin was patching itself together in front of his eyes!

Kaneki suddenly grabbed Hide's shoulder and squeezed a bit roughly.

"Ow!" Hide gave his friend a look as he rubbed his shoulder. "What was that for?"

"You're real..." Kaneki whispered incredulously.

"Yeah..." Hide confirmed awkwardly.

"And this place is real..." Kaneki continued, glancing around his apartment in awe.

"Yeah..." 

Kaneki looked back at him and awkwardly set both of his hands in his lap. Kaneki's mask was hanging around his neck now, but the eyepatch part of it was still on his face and hid his right eye. It was surprisingly a lot different to see his opposite eye covered.

Hide slowly got up off the floor and sat next to Kaneki, afraid to scare him off. Kaneki inched away from him.

"Why are you... Why are you helping me?" Kaneki asked. His voice sounded so quiet and small, and he spoke in an almost dreamy tone. "...No. Why aren't you freaking out? Why haven't you called the CCG? Did... Did you know it was me or do you just help any ghouls you find?" Kaneki forced a smile at his attempt to lighten the mood. Then he squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. "I don't understand. This can't be real. This has to be a dream."

"It's real, Kaneki; it's real. And I know you're hurt and probably in pain and you seem scared and confused but... I'm so happy you're back!!!" Hide lunged and hugged Kaneki, but made sure to be gentle. He was probably getting Kaneki's blood all over him but he didn't care. 

Kaneki tensed and froze from Hide's sudden embrace. 

"I missed you. I missed you so much." Hide continued.

"I don't... I don't understand..." Kaneki whispered back.

"I knew." Hide said, pulling away to lock eyes with Kaneki. "I knew and I'm sorry I didn't let you know."

"You knew?" Kaneki repeated. He spoke like he got the wind knocked out of him. For some reason, his only visible eye was back to being red and black again. Hide ignored it for now, thankfully feeling no fear about it.

Hide nodded. "I did. I don't care what you are, Kaneki. Okay? It changes nothing. You're still my best friend. I'm glad your okay. I saw your wound and I thought you were..." Hide trailed off.

"I've been through a lot worse than this." Kaneki said, gesturing to his abdomen. 

It was probably meant to make Hide feel better, but Hide just gave him a horrified expression. 

"I mean—!" Kaneki exclaimed. 

"I'm glad you're okay." Hide repeated, letting the topic of Kaneki's current wound and previous wounds drop. Kaneki seemed confident he would heal and be perfectly fine, so Hide was okay with moving on and talking about other things.

Hide had so many questions that he had been dying to ask since he first found out Kaneki was a ghoul, not to mention questions relating to how Kaneki ended up here and why he was in such rough shape. He didn't know where to start. He had been mentally making a list since he found out, but of course now that he had the opportunity he wasn't sure what to say.

Surprisingly, Kaneki was the one to speak first.

"So, since you're okay with me being... you know..." Kaneki began, speaking with a surprising amount of confidence for how he reacted earlier. "Can I use your shower? A-and borrow some clothes?"

Hide nodded. "Yeah, of course."

"Thanks." 

\---

Hide sat outside the bathroom door as Kaneki showered, listening to the water run. It was probably a little weird and a little invasive... but Hide was afraid that Kaneki would run away once he came out. He couldn't risk waiting for Kaneki anywhere else in his apartment. He needed to know exactly when Kaneki was done and make sure he didn't try to disappear again.

Hide jumped to his feet once he heard the shower handle squeak and the water stop. He waited for Kaneki to get dressed, and had to fight the urge to hug him immediately after Kaneki opened the door. 

Now that his mask was fully removed, both of his eyes were visible and both were once again their natural shade of grey. He was wearing his own clothes, some that he had left at Hide’s house almost a year ago. Kaneki's white hair was wet and it clung to his face. The remaining droplets of water shined in his hair. He looked really beautiful and almost mystical like that. Hide's heart felt warm and the butterflies in his stomach were fluttering.

"You should take a shower too." Kaneki said softly, snapping Hide out of it. Kaneki gently took Hide's arm and pushed him towards the bathroom. Hide was well-aware that his clothes and he himself were bloodied with Kaneki's blood, but he didn't want to shower yet.

"N-no!" Hide cried. He grabbed onto Kaneki's sleeve and held on like his life depended on it. He realized his arm was shaking — his whole body was, actually — and it probably had been this entire time. From fear or excitement, he wasn't sure. Probably both.

Kaneki pulled away out of Hide's grasp, and it was so  _easy_  for him to do it. If he wanted to, Kaneki could run and go missing again and there wasn't anything Hide could do about it. Kaneki was so strong and slippery now that he was a ghoul. 

"I'm sorry, am I scaring you?" Kaneki asked cautiously, guilt on his face.

Hide scoffed. "That's not it! That's not it at all!"

"But... then why...?" His eyes trailed down to Hide's shaking body.

"Idiot." Hide chuckled. "I don't want you to leave."

"O-oh. I..." Kaneki bit his lip and looked conflicted. Then he looked at Hide with resolve and said clearly and softly, "I won't then. Shower and take your time; don't rush. I promise I'll stay. I'll make us some coffee, if you have some."

"Th-thank you." Hide said.  _I need to trust his words_.  _I'm a mess and all this drying blood is getting really uncomfortable._

Hide had to force his body to move into the bathroom and lock the door. 

Despite what Kaneki told him, he couldn't help but rush and take the fastest shower he could. He dried himself off, threw on clean clothes, and tried to walk calmly and nonchalantly out from the bathroom, trying to pretend like his heart wasn't beating like crazy.

He found Kaneki sitting on his couch, reading The Hanged Man's MacGuffin.

"I thought you didn't like Sen Takatsuki?" Kaneki asked as Hide approached.

"Thought I'd give her books another shot." Hide shrugged as he plopped down on the couch next to Kaneki. He noticed that as he landed, Kaneki's nose flared and his left eye was again swallowed by red and black. Hide held back a gasp. He supposed he would just need to get used to that. Kaneki didn't even seem to notice it happen. Maybe it was normal for ghouls... It would made sense, and explain why he always wore an eyepatch.

"And what do you think of it?" Kaneki asked.

"Honestly? Sorry, but its still not my style. Too dark and depressing."

Kaneki shrugged, understanding Hide's opinion although not agreeing. Kaneki bookmarked the page he was on and set it on the coffee table. Hide followed his movements and noticed there were two coffee cups on the table. One for Kaneki, one for him. 

Hide picked it up and took a sip. He prepared himself for the taste of bitter black coffee, and was surprised when it tasted sweet. He was aware that Kaneki knew what his usual order of coffee was, but ghouls only drank it black and anything else was believed to make them feel nauseous, so he had just assumed...

He took another sip.  _This is really good. So it wasn't the brand. It was just me. I really do suck at making coffee. I'm glad I didn't offer to make him any, haha!_

Hide brought the cup back down.

"I have a question." Hide began. "If you don't want to talk about it, just don't answer and we can move onto something else."

Kaneki gave a small nod for him into continue.

"Is only one of your eyes supposed to change?"

Kaneki gasped. He clamped a hand over his left eye and turned his head away.

"I-I'm sorry! I didn't realize it—!"

"Hey, calm down! I don't mind. I was just asking..." 

Hide went to gently remove Kaneki's hand, but Kaneki just tensed and make sure to strengthen the hold of his hand against his head so that Hide wouldn't be able to pry it off.

"You can't control it?" Hide asked. "But ghouls go out in public all the time, don't they?"

"Sometimes I can control it... Sometimes it turns without me doing it or without me even knowing."

"Really? For no reason?"

"Well, no..."

"Then how come?"

"Well..."

"C'mon, Kaneki! Tell me about all about ghoul stuff! I've gone searching through so many books and found barely anything about ghouls!" He playfully poked Kaneki's side again and again to annoy him. He wanted Kaneki to relax and be able to talk about all this worry-free. "You should be proud of me! I've never read so many books!"

Hide froze before his finger touched Kaneki again.  _Man, I sound like a jerk. I gotta calm down. He doesn't need to answer me. I just **told**  him he didn't need to._

Hide opened his mouth to apologize, when Kaneki spoke.

"It happens..." Kaneki answered, just barely audible, "when I get hungry..." 

_Huh? But it wasn't red a minute ago. Is it supposed to be on and off? It only turned red when I—_

"Oh." Hide said aloud.

Kaneki flinched.

"H-hey." Hide said awkwardly. "I trust you, okay? So don't worry. I'm not leaving you, so please don't leave me either. I'm sorry I pushed you for answers after I said I wouldn't. Seriously, I give you permission to tell me to shut up."

Kaneki shook his head. "It's fine. You... have the right to know..."

"Can you please take your hand off it?"

"W-why?"

"I wanna look at you."

"But... It's not going to go away."

"I don't care. I wanna see you and everything your ghoul-self entails now." Hide leaned forward in front of Kaneki's face so Kaneki could see him. Hide shot him a smile. "I'm not afraid of you."

Kaneki sighed, closing his eyes and letting his hand slip off his face. Then he fluttered his eyes open and glanced shyly up at Hide.

Hide looked back and forth between his two mismatched eyes, taking in the differences between them.

"Does it hurt?" Hide asked.

"Does what hurt?"

"Does it hurt when it changes?"

Kaneki shook his head. "No. It doesn't hurt."

"Ah. Good. The veins made me wonder if it was painful."

"The veins are there too?!" Kaneki groaned, covering his eye again.

"Hey, hey." Hide coaxed, pouting at Kaneki as he pulled his hand away from his eye. This time Kaneki let him do it. Then Hide slowly reached back up to Kaneki's face, and ran his thumb across Kaneki's cheek before running it across the veins surrounding his eye. Kaneki closed his eyes, and the bulging veins relaxed, flattening down and fading in redness. Kaneki sighed, and Hide could tell he was letting a lot of nerves and tension go.

"It's got a name, right? What's it called?"

Kaneki opened his mismatched eyes again. "Kakugan."

_Ah, right. Shining eye. I remember reading that now._

"Does your other eye turn too?"

"No. Just my left one."

"Are all ghouls like that?"

"Just me."

"Neat. How come, though?"

Kaneki shrugged. "I don't know exactly. I guess because I'm an artificial ghoul...?"

"It looks really cool and pretty." Hide said.

Kaneki started blushing and looked away. "N-no it's not."

"Why don't humans have any cool features?" Hide pouted. Then his eyes lit up as he remembered. "Ooh!"

"What?"

"Those... thingies!"

"...What?"

"The...! Ugh, what are they called?! The things ghouls have!"

"That doesn't help, Hide."

"The thingies that can be wings or tails or... whatever the other two things were."

"Kagune?" Kaneki guessed.

"Yeah!!!" Hide smiled. "...I think. That sounds right, at least."

"What about them?"

"What type are you? Cuz there's different types, right? Honestly I didn't understand what it all meant. There was a diagram showing the different parts of the body they come out from but there were no pictures of actual kagune. It was really hard to understand in just words. I guess the CCG classifies a lot of that stuff so there were no real photographs of kagune." He rolled his eyes. He wanted to learn about ghouls, damnit! It was interesting!

"You really read up on ghouls?" Kaneki asked. "That wasn't a joke? Why?"

"Why do you think? I wanted to help you anyway I could. Or at least, try to find out what was going on with you. I could tell you were struggling and I knew I had no way of relating or even imagining what you were dealing with. I'm sorry I couldn't have been more help."

Kaneki shook his head. "No, don't be. It means a lot. Really. Thank you."

"So?"

"So what?" Kaneki asked, but his fearful expression showed he already knew what Hide was talking about.

"Can I see your kagune?" 

"Why do you want to?"

"Cuz they're cool!"

"B-but they're used for hunting!" Kaneki said. Then he winced and recovered, "W-which I've never done! But... Why would you want to see something that's built for... you know..."

"You're making this so much darker than it needs to be, Kaneki." Hide sighed.  _But really, what did I expect?_  "It's just a part of ghouls. A part of you. And they seem really cool and I've always wanted to see one, but like I said it's not in any ghoul information books and you're right here and you're a ghoul now and you're my best friend so~!" He smiled and gave Kaneki puppy dog eyes.

"You want to see them...? Even after I almost attacked you with them earlier?"

"That was my fault, not yours. I was panicking and I didn't even consider that you might mistake me for whoever you were fighting."

"I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"Nah."

Kaneki sighed. "You really wanna see my kagune?"

Hide nodded excitedly.

Four tentacle-like limbs grew out from Kaneki's back and unfurled. They were a bright crimson red, and they were thick and huge and almost looked scaly.

"Can I..." Hide's fingers twitched.  _Please say yes._ "Can I touch them?"

Kaneki held back a laugh, noticing his excitement. 

 _Man, it's great to get that reaction out of him._  

"I guess." Kaneki smiled.

Hide carefully reached forward, and stroked the closest limb. He knew ghouls were tough, and it was probably impossible for a human to do any damage to a kagune. But Hide knew it was a body part, and he knew that Kaneki was probably still pretty nervous deep down. It was just polite to be gentle and respectful.

Kaneki's kagune was such a strange texture. It was scaly, but it felt soft and pudgy, and it radiated body heat. Scales were normally from cold-blooded animals.

Hide laughed and couldn't control his happiness any longer. He pulled the limb closer and hugged it.

This was so surreal. Surreal in the best way. He  _knew_. He knew Kaneki was a ghoul and Kaneki knew he knew. Kaneki was here and not running away and Hide was seeing his kakugan and touching and  _hugging_  his kagune. 

Hide was surprised when Kaneki closed the distance between them and hugged him back, and he felt the 3 remaining kagune limbs gently wrap around him and hug him as well.

"Hide..." Kaneki whispered, his breath tickling Hide's neck. "Thank you. Thank you so much. I was so afraid, and it all seems so dumb now. I should have told you in the beginning."

"You're welcome. Thank you for coming home."

Their sweet moment was then ruined by a stomach growling. 

"S-sorry! I-" Kaneki pulled away, his kagune retreating away and retracting into his back. Hide felt disappointed. Maybe he'd be able to convince Kaneki to take them out again later.

Hide then realized what had set Kaneki off and started laughing. "That was my stomach, not yours!"

"O-oh." Kaneki blushed and looked away.

"Sorry about that. Um, do you mind if I eat something?"

Kaneki shook his head. "That's fine."

"So, uh. It's kinda late." Hide started a new topic as he walked over to his kitchen to get a bowl of cereal. "Do you wanna, maybe... spend the night?"

"I... don't know if that's the best idea."

"Where've you been staying lately?"

"The... 6th Ward."

"That's pretty far. You should stay."

"Y-yeah, but... I'm kinda hungry too, so..."

Hide remembered the incident with Nishiki. He had tempted Kaneki back then and he knew how guilty Kaneki had felt over almost attacking him. Hide didn't hold it against him. It hadn't been his fault back then and it wouldn't be if anything happened now either. Hide glanced at Kaneki, and just as he figured, Kaneki's eye was still red. 

"Sorry." Hide said awkwardly. He wasn't sure what to say. He trusted Kaneki and wasn't afraid, but it still sucked that Kaneki being a ghoul would affect their relationship like this. 

"No, don't apologize!" Kaneki replied awkwardly. And he was right, it wasn't something he should feel sorry about.

"Well, I would really like it if you could stay." Hide said softly. He wanted to push Kaneki, but he didn't want to make Kaneki worry about him or feel guilty about being a ghoul.

"Me too, but... I don't wanna risk it. And I can't get food at Ant- a-anywhere, so..."

"Anteiku?" Hide asked. "Is that what you were going to say?"

Kaneki pressed his lips together.

"I kinda put that together already. You were spending so much time there, and Touka-chan and Nishio-senpai are both ghouls so..."

Kaneki looked at Hide. "Y-you know about them too?"

Hide nodded.

"Aren't you... I don't know... Scared? Concerned? Mad that I didn't warn you about them?" 

Hide shook his head. "You seemed pretty friendly with them. Even Nishio-senpai after that whole "car crash" incident." Hide used finger quotes. "So I figured they had to be good people. Nishio-senpai aside, everyone at Anteiku always seemed nice."

"You know what really happened during that incident, don't you?" Kaneki asked. He hung his head in shame.

"Yeah, I do." Hide said. He didn't want to continue reflecting on that incident for Kaneki's sake. Especially when Kaneki was hungry now.

Hide brought his food over and sat on the other couch.

"This doesn't bother you, right?" 

Kaneki shook his head.

"You sure? Seriously, tell me. I know human food is nasty to ghouls but I don't know to what extent, or how it affects you specifically."

Kaneki wrinkled his nose in disgust. "It smells gross and the smell is a little strong but its fine. It's not that bad."

"So what affects you?" Hide asked as he took his first bite of his food.

"Hm?" 

"You said you're an artificial ghoul. That means there's some difference between you and a natural ghoul, right?"

"N-not really. Everyone calls me a half-ghoul but I think I'm a lot more ghoul than human..." Kaneki frowned. "I think they call me that because I mostly smell like a human to ghouls. But they can smell my kakuhou which smells like Rize and that throws them off. I have her kakuhou and kagune, by the way, not my own since I wasn't born a ghoul. Other than that and only having one kakugan... I think that's it."

Hide went to take another bite of his cereal, but he hesitated. 

"You can't eat anything, can you?" Hide was pretty sure he knew the answer, but he still hoped there was  _something_.

Kaneki shook his head sadly. "Black coffee and water."

"And obviously..." Hide trailed off. He knew better than to say it, judging from Kaneki's discomfort of the subject.

Kaneki nodded.

"I'm sorry..." Hide said. 

"Keep eating, okay?" Kaneki asked, gesturing to his bowl. He gave a friendly smile. It was full of so much concern and love.

Hide nodded and continued eating, but he couldn't stop thinking about Kaneki's situation. Did Kaneki know immediately when he was turned into a ghoul or was it a slow process? He wondered exactly what Kaneki had gone through. 

Speaking of which...

"So how did you get here?"

"Ah, right. I guess I did kinda break-in, huh?" Kaneki chuckled awkwardly. "I was on a... mission... in this Ward, and I got in a fight and there were more ghouls than I was expecting. I got injured and I knew I couldn't make it to my base. I knew your place was nearby so I managed to lose them and your window was unlocked. I just meant to stay and recover for a bit, but the adrenaline wore off and I realized I was wounded a lot worse than I thought, and I guess I ended up passing out."

"I left my window unlocked?" Hide asked. 

"I locked it for you once I came in. But yeah. I was surprised too."

"My A/C wasn't working yesterday so I kept my windows open. I guess I forgot to lock all of them." 

It was a little unnerving to know that ghouls had been around this part of town and he hadn't known his window had been open.

"Be careful." Kaneki said, probably thinking the same thing.

Once he finished with his cereal, Hide placed his bowl down on the coffee table.

"S-so the incident with Nishio-senpai." Kaneki began.

_Kaneki, please drop it._

"It sounded like you knew it wasn't really a car crash. And you said you know he's a ghoul too..." Kaneki continued.

Hide sighed, but decided to answer anyway. Kaneki had answered all his questions thus far, despite his obvious discomfort. Now it was his turn to answer the hard and uncomfortable questions.

"I was playing dead the whole time. I mean, he was a ghoul! I wasn't sure what to do and I was trying to buy time and figure a way out of it! And then, he started talking to you and I was listening in..." 

Hide saw Kaneki swallow nervously.

"You saved my life. You could have saved yourself but you fought to protect me. It meant a lot."

Especially knowing that Kaneki had never been in a fight in his life. 

Kaneki leaned over, shame written on his face. He ducked his head so that he was hiding under his hair.

"I... I know what happened right after. You seemed to be in so much pain. I don't... I don't hold a grudge or hate you or even fear you, Kaneki. I know you couldn't help yourself."

"I..." Kaneki breathed out. "I could have...! I almost...!"

"But you didn't!" Hide smiled.

"Only because Touka-chan stopped me." Kaneki spat grimly. 

"Anyway, I just went along with what Nishio-senpai said and pretended to be unconscious. None of your ghoul friends ever came to check if I actually was unconscious or not. I heard everything between you and your manager too."

"That feels like so long ago..." Kaneki whispered.

"Feels like yesterday to me, honestly. I still can't believe you're actually a ghoul!"

It had been all Hide thought about since then. He had to help Kaneki. Protect him. Find a way to tell him without scaring him off. It was his goal day after day after day. It almost felt like he was reliving the same day over and over and that no real time had gone by.

"I still can't believe you know about it..." Kaneki said.

"I'm sorry if this sounds insensitive, but... I'm honestly excited! I have so many questions and some ghoul stuff seems so cool!"

Kaneki chuckled. "It's fine. It's kind of nice to see someone excited about it. Who knows, maybe your excitement will rub off on me."

And of course at that moment, came a reminder of Kaneki's hunger. His stomach growled.

Hide pretended like he didn't even hear it. It wasn't like a stomach rumbling was anything unusual, anyway.

Hide opened his mouth to ask Kaneki a question, but Kaneki started speaking first.

"I should head back..." Kaneki muttered.

"But!" Hide cried. "It's late! And you said you stay in the 6th Ward! And... you got attacked, right? Isn't it dangerous?"

"It might be dangerous for you if I stay here, Hide." Kaneki warned.

"You said you get food at Anteiku. You don't have a key?"

"I can get into the shop, but only the manager has access to the..." Kaneki trailed off. "And I don't want to bother him."

Hide sighed. _I have to let Kaneki go, huh?_

"Maybe... I can ask someone if they had any food leftover..." Kaneki whispered to himself. "But I shouldn't call Touka-chan at this hour. I haven't talked to her since I left..." He grimaced. That obviously wasn't a conversation he was looking forward to.

"I have Nishio-senpai's number!" Hide offered, pulling out his phone. He glanced at Kaneki for permission to call him. 

"I don't know if he'll help but I guess it's worth a shot."

Hide called Nishiki and handed the phone over to Kaneki.

"What do you want, Nagachika? It's getting late." Nishiki answered.

"Hello Nishio-senpai." Kaneki greeted.

"Huh? Kaneki? Why're you using Nagachika's phone? Wait, does this mean you're back?"

"Eh, not exactly... I'm... just visiting. But Anteiku's closed so do you have any, uh, packages left that I can borrow?"

"You came to visit without eating first? You're an idiot."

"I know..." 

"Alright, I guess I owe you anyway. You can come over and pick one up. Just be careful of Nagachika."

"Um, r-right." Kaneki said.  _Should I tell him or...?_  "...See you soon, then!"

Nishiki didn't say goodbye, he just hung up.

"He said its okay?" Hide asked.

"Uh huh."

"So you can stay for a while???" 

"I mean, I gotta go get it first, but..."

"Can I come too?"

Kaneki stared at Hide as he considered it.

Hide continued, "I understand if you don't want me to. Just be careful, okay? Since you got attacked earlier."

"You can come if you want to."

"Yay! Thank you!" 

Kaneki stood and started walking over to the door.

"Hold on! Your eye..." Hide realized. Kaneki's kakugan was still activated, and Hide might not know much about ghouls but he was pretty sure Kaneki wouldn't be able to turn his eye back to normal. 

_Now I know why he wore the eyepatch everywhere._

"I guess I can use the one from my mask for tonight." 

\---

Once outside, Kaneki lead the way to Nishiki’s apartment and Hide followed beside him.

"Have you been to his place before?" Hide asked once they arrived at the apartments. "Because you knew exactly where to go."

"Yeah. I saved him once and brought him back home."

_You saved his life? Awesome! I've gotta hear all the ghoul stories you have!_

"You haven't?" Kaneki asked.

Hide shook his head. "Nope. The only time I got invited over was when he invited me to dinner."

"He invited you to dinner? That doesn't sound like him." Kaneki commented.  _Were they actually close friends?_ Kaneki wondered.

"Er, I was joking. I meant that time when he wanted to make  _me_  the dinner."

Kaneki went to knock on Nishiki's apartment door, but then hesitated.

"Are you sure you wanna be here?" Kaneki asked, glancing back at his friend.

"Aren't you and Nishio-senpai friends now?"

"I think we are...? But like you just said, he tried to eat you."

"Well..." Hide drawled the word out and bounced on the balls of his feet. "So did you."

"..." 

Hide said it so casually Kaneki didn't know how to respond. He just awkwardly turned back around and knocked on the door.

Nishiki opened it after a few seconds. He looked at Kaneki blankly, then glanced at Hide at his side.

"Nagachika. You're here too?"

"Yup!" 

"So I take it he knows?" Nishiki asked, looking back at Kaneki.

Kaneki straightened his posture to seem as intimidating as he could be with his shorter stature. He remembered Touka's threat. 

_If he finds out, I'll kill him._

He wasn't sure how kindly Nishiki would take to Hide knowing. But he wouldn’t let Nishiki harm him no matter what.

Nishiki looked between the two of them, then shrugged. "Fine with me."

"Really?" Kaneki asked. "You seemed concerned about him finding out before."

Nishiki crossed his arms. "Well, Kimi changed my mind."

"Don't worry, Nishio-senpai! You're secret's safe with me!" Hide smiled, doing a salute.

Kaneki noticed Nishiki held a brown package in his hand, so Kaneki held his hand out.

Nishiki went to hand him the package, but pulled it away at the last second. "On one condition."

Kaneki groaned. "What is it?"

"Not now cuz its late, but first thing tomorrow you need to go visit Touka."

Avoiding Touka for this "visit" in the 20th Ward was the whole point of him asking Nishiki and coming here in the first place. Kaneki really wanted to say no or walk away, but he needed the food if he wanted to stay longer with Hide. He could try to force it out of Nishiki's hand, but Nishiki seemed determined and he didn't want to unnecessarily cause a scene or a fight with Hide there. 

"Why do you care if I talk to Touka-chan or not?" Kaneki asked instead. Nishiki and her never got along, and they seemed to hate each other.

"I don't!" Nishiki quickly defended. "But she misses you and it's getting really annoying to hear. Besides, what kind of friend doesn't visit in 6 months? You even took Hinami-chan away from her."

Kaneki frowned. Guilty stabbed at his chest. He had always made sure to not think about how lonely Touka and Hide would be. He was in the 6th Ward for them. To protect them. He would just be putting them both in danger if he got too close to them.

"Aww! He does have a heart!" Hide exclaimed.

Nishiki groaned in annoyance. "You know what, I _do_ mind you knowing."

"Protect me, Kaneki!!!" Hide cried, jumping to hide behind Kaneki. He shook his shoulders. "Fight him again for me!"

Nishiki and Kaneki both ignored his antics.

"It doesn't need to be a long visit. Just give her closure or something." Nishiki continued.

"Closure...?"

Nishiki sighed. "Just how dense are you? She likes you. As in, she loves you."

"?!" Kaneki could feel himself blushing.

Nishiki gestured vaguely to Hide. "But you and him are dating so, just give her closure or something so she can stop pining after you. Like I said, its pretty annoying."

"Me and...?" Kaneki looked behind himself, only to see Hide. "Me and Hide? We're... not dating?"

"Oh, really?" Nishiki asked, sounding surprised that he was wrong, but he didn't actually sound all too interested. "Well, whatever. Just talk to Touka." He waved the package around, taunting Kaneki.

Kaneki sighed. "All right. I will."

Nishiki smiled contentedly and handed it to him.

"Thanks." Kaneki muttered begrudgingly.

Kaneki and Hide began to walk away.

"And Kaneki?" Nishiki added.

"Yeah?" Kaneki glanced back.

"If you don't end up seeing her, I'll find out what ward you've been hiding in and kick your ass!"

"I-I said I would go see her, Nishio-senpai!" Kaneki cried. 

"Uh huh..." Nishiki muttered, obviously not believing his word. Nishiki rolled his eyes and closed the door.

“Ugh, not even he trusts me...” Kaneki muttered.

“Well, you can’t blame us...” Hide said awkwardly.

Kaneki bit his lip.  _I guess not..._

They continued walking and headed back to Hide's apartment. For it being late at night, there were a surprising amount of people out and about. 

Knowing that they couldn't talk about ghoul-related things in public like this, Hide made small talk about Kamii and what Kaneki had missed. Mostly about how Asian History hadn't gotten any more exciting.

They passed a group of people that seemed to be in their early to mid twenties, who shot Hide and Kaneki a glare and laughed as they passed. He could hear the group talking behind their backs.

"Wow, jerks." Hide muttered. "I don't even know them. You?"

Kaneki sighed. "They're the ones that wounded me earlier."

"What?" Hide gasped. He quickly glanced behind him to look at the group again, took a look around to see who would be in earshot, and back at Kaneki. Then he whisper-yelled, "They're ghouls?!" 

Hide knew tons of ghouls managed to blend in with humans in public, but he never actually thought about it before. 

"They're bad news. Stay away from them."

 "I'm glad they didn't try anything." Hide said. Their group had five people. Kaneki likely would have been outnumbered and Hide doubted he'd be able to do anything to help.

"If I was alone they probably would have. I guess they didn't wanna risk you running and calling the CCG."

Hide blinked. "So I... kinda protected you?"

"I guess so..."

"Huh...." Hide whispered.  _Glad I'm of use somehow._

"But don't think that'll happen every time, okay? There's plenty of ghouls who wouldn't hesitate to attack either of us."

Hide nodded. "Right."

Kaneki glanced behind him to make sure the group was gone, and then he started a new conversation.

"So... Why did Nishiki think we were dating? I mean, I know we're close and all but I don't think anyone's assumed that before?"

 "..."

"Not that I mind or anything. I'm just curious."

"..."

"Hide?" Kaneki looked at his friend. 

"I, uh..." Hide began. He scratched at his cheek. "Yeah, so, I have a confession to make..."

"..."

"I... I like you, Kaneki."

"Oh."

"And I have for a while now. And I may~ have rambled about it to Nishio-senpai a while ago. I didn't think he was actually listening to me at the time. But apparently he was and apparently he remembers it. I guess he just assumed that we started dating at some point, and that because of that you told me you were a ghoul. Which... isn't how any of that happened..."

"..."

 _I guess it makes sense why he assumed that._ Kaneki thought. _That’s how Kimi found out._

Kaneki kept walking. He felt awkward. He wanted to say something but he didn't know what. 

"Please say something."

"I..." Kaneki began. "Uh..."

"You don't... need to return my feelings. I didn't want this to change anything. I kinda regret telling you now. Just forget I said anything."

"N-no!" Kaneki said, and it came out louder than he had intended. "Don't regret it. I just... I wasn't expecting you to like me... I... didn't know I was your type?" Kaneki chuckled, both awkwardness and pride in his tone.

Hide  _liked_  him.

"..." Hide watched him, trying to read his expressions and tone.

"I... I don't know..." Kaneki sighed. "It might sound dumb but... I'm honestly scared."

"Why?" Hide asked.

"I only dated once." Kaneki explained. "Rize-san."

"Oh. Right. Well,” Hide chuckled. “I'm not a ghoul."

"I-I know, but... That date ended up with her trying to eat me, scrambling my organs, her getting killed by falling steel beams, and then me getting purposely turned into a ghoul from some mad scientist."

Hide blinked. "Oh. I... I didn't know all that. I'm sorry."

In fact, he knew barely any of it. Only that Kaneki had become a ghoul via some organ transplant and that his ex-girlfriend (if she could even be called that) was a ghoul. 

"I know logically that wouldn't happen again.  _Nothing_  bad probably would. But I'm still kind of... afraid of dating again. That's the part that's dumb... "

"I guess I can understand that... And it's not dumb."

"And just... I'm a ghoul. And you're a human."

"I don't care about that!" Hide cried. "It doesn't change anything! You're still you!"

"Th-thanks. But, it might have changed some things for me..."

Hide frowned.

"N-not like...! Not anything like, like  _that_! I don't see humans as food or anything. I-I still kinda consider myself a human!"

"Kaneki, calm down. I wasn't thinking anything like that."

Kaneki took a deep breath. "I don't trust myself as it is. Around others and especially around you. And if we were to date... I... just don't want to risk anything."

"You wouldn't hurt me, Kaneki."

"You don't know that."

Hide walked in front of him. "Yes I do." 

"Hide, please. Stay back." 

"You're not going to hurt me." Hide whispered. 

He took Kaneki's hand and squeezed as he came closer. He had to prove this point to him. He was going to lean in and kiss him on the cheek.

"Hide..." Kaneki whispered. He put his hand against Hide's chest and gently went to push him back. He was tense and he was shaking a bit.

Hide sighed disappointingly. He had hoped that Kaneki would have faith and trust in himself. He knew Kaneki wouldn't be a danger to him, but he wasn't going to prove it at the price of making him uncomfortable.

He gave Kaneki's hand another squeeze and then let go.

"I'm sorry. I'm not going to do anything if you don't want me to." Hide looked down in shame and took a step back to give Kaneki his personal space back.

_I’ve been so pushy and insensitive this whole time. I missed him so much but that’s no excuse. Kaneki probably hates me now._

"H-Hide. Wait."

Hide looked back up.

"You really don't mind? You really trust me?"

Hide nodded. "Of course I do."

“Let me... Let me think about it, okay?”

Hide nodded. “Yeah. Of course.”

Hide thought of another interesting Kamii story, and changed the subject to that as they finished the walk back to his apartment. Once back, Hide unlocked his door and Kaneki followed him back inside. Hide excused himself to his room and allowed Kaneki his privacy to eat. Once he was done, Kaneki knocked on Hide's door to let him know that he could come out.

\---

"Hey, Kaneki. You know we're alone right? You can take the eyepatch off again."

"You're not freaked out by it?"

"Your eye?" Hide shook his head. "Not at all. Like I said earlier, it's pretty. If you're more comfortable go ahead and keep wearing it. But don't feel like you need to around me."

Kaneki looked down and seemed to be thinking it over. Then he took it off.

"Huh. It's not even red."

"Because I just ate." Kaneki explained.

Hide watched Kaneki's left eye as he came closer and sat directly beside Kaneki.  

"I'm not activating it either!" He commented.

"You  _shouldn't_  have activated it. I'm sorry that it did earlier."

"It's okay. Don't worry about it."

"I know you said you think its pretty. And  _that's_  okay, I guess. But please don't forget the reason why if it activates when I'm around you again. Just be careful, okay?"

"Okay. I will." Hide said.  _He's right. Just because we're friends doesn't mean I can be ignorant._

Kaneki reached for the tv remote and turned the tv on, searching for something to watch.

"Hey, can I see your kagune again?" Hide asked.

\---

Hide woke up very confused. He didn't remember falling asleep. He was in his living room, so he knew he was laying on his couch, but he was very comfortable and warm. Then his pillow... twitched under him...? It freaked him out a little. He also didn't remember owning bright red pillows. He went to sit up and examine it. He felt a hand was on his head, that slipped off once he sat up, and noticed the "pillow" under him had scales.

Oh. He was using Kaneki's kagune as a pillow.

Hide held in a laugh, not wanting to wake up Kaneki. 

Feeling a similar warmth over his thighs, he glanced down. Sure enough, two more kagune were draped over his hips and legs, acting like a blanket.

Hide remembered now that he had fallen asleep against Kaneki last night. In his sleep he must have moved and adjusted to be laying in his lap, using one of the kagune limbs as a pillow. 

Hide laid back down and looked up at Kaneki's sleeping form.

Kaneki was mostly still sitting upright. His head was angled toward the ceiling, and he was leaning back against the couch. His mouth was open a little and he was snoring lightly. He didn't look too comfortable, but he was still sleeping soundly so he must have been comfortable enough. Kaneki'd definitely have a stiff neck when he woke up though. One of his hands clutched onto his kagune, holding it against his chest like a teddy bear. His other hand was at Hide's side, once resting in Hide's hair.

After a few moments of Hide's amused staring, Kaneki began to stir.

"Good morning." Hide whispered as he smiled.

Kaneki opened his mismatched eyes. He tilted his head to look down at Hide, and winced and rubbed his neck.

"Your kagune are pretty comfy. I'm even more jealous of them now."

Kaneki looked confused, and he looked at the kagune in his grasp and then the ones draped over Hide. Hide could feel the kagune start moving, snake-like motions as Kaneki couldn't decide whether to retract them or cuddle Hide with them further.

Hide reached and grabbed the closest one, deciding for him. He pulled the kagune limb closer against himself and cuddled it.

"Don't. They're soft and warm."

"I've never slept with them out before."

"Really? The way you were cuddling it, it seemed like you had."

Kaneki watched as Hide continued to cling to his kagune, and he pouted. "I feel like you like my kagune more than you like me."

"Well, you said you like books more than you like me. So now we're fair. Now you know how I feel."

Kaneki leaned back against the couch, lost in thought as he rubbed his stiff neck. 

"Hey, you know I was just kidding, right? Your kagune are awesome and cuddly, but  _you_  are my friend regardless of whether you have kagune or not." Hide released the kagune, starting to feel guilty.

"I know. I was just thinking."

Kaneki hovered his kagune limbs idly over Hide.

"About what?" Hide asked. He reached up and playfully poked the closest limb.

"About... last night. When you said you liked me."

"Oh?" Hide asked. "...And?"

"I think... I'd like to give it a shot."

\---

Kaneki walked back into the living room, once again dressed in his skin-tight battle suit. He held his mask in his hand.

"I should really be getting back now..." Kaneki said. "My group's probably worried about me. And I've still got things to do in the 6th ward."

Hide felt selfishness bubble inside him. He wanted Kaneki to stay. Stay with him and never leave again. 

"This is why I didn't want to come back. Because I knew it would be so hard to leave." Kaneki whispered.

"Finding Kanou is that important to you?"

Kaneki nodded. "I need to know. I promise, Hide, once I'm done I'll come back. I just need to finish this."

"I'll agree on a condition from you."

"And that is?"

"You keep in touch."

Kaneki smiled. Maybe things really could go back to normal.

“Thank you.”

Kaneki walked out onto Hide’s balcony. Hide followed and watched him in silence.

Kaneki jumped onto the hand-railing of the balcony. The cool early morning breeze blew his hair. He might not like being a ghoul, but being able to jump up and down and run across buildings felt amazing.

"Do you know when you'll be back?" Hide asked.

"Not exactly..." Kaneki whispered. "We're getting closer, but it'll probably still be a while. But... under six months...?"

"Alright, I guess that's not terrible." Hide said. It was better than years. He had survived six months without Kaneki already. "But, maybe you could come and visit once in a while?"

"Maybe." Kaneki said.

"At least start answering your phone."

"Oh, right. Sorry about that." Kaneki grimaced.

Hide rolled his eyes. "Alright, go ahead, Eyepatch! Go be a badass or whatever you do in the 6th Ward!"

Kaneki chuckled. He slipped his mask on, and then he released his kagune and jumped backwards off the railing.

"Show off." Hide chuckled as he leaned against the railing and watched Kaneki leave.

Kaneki would be back. Hide knew he would be. He always knew that eventually Kaneki would have come back to see him.

Hide continued to watch Kaneki scale buildings and run across the rooftops until he was out of sight. And then he went back inside, making sure to lock the door this time.

“I hope he remembers to go talk to Touka-chan...” Hide remembered.

 

**Author's Note:**

> And if it loves you, it'll come back.


End file.
